There are plenty of external signs a relationship is in trouble – constant fighting, no sex, an affair, the list goes on. However often these signs come when a marriage is nearing the brink of complete breakdown. Internal signs can come much earlier on – knowing them and understanding that they are unhealthy for your relationship can help you. The signs below aren’t the only signs your relationship is in trouble – if it is making you sad, angry or frustrated you can be certain that something isn’t right – but they are indicators to keep track of and try to avoid.
You’re Keeping Score
Keeping score is a very bad mentality when it comes to relationships. While healthy give and take is important, constant score keeping can make you bitter and angry. We also tend to think we are doing more, as we may not notice the things another person is doing or not doing. Keeping score is about considering your marriage as a contract, not as a dynamic and ongoing relationship between two people in love.
You’re Comparing Your Partner to Others
Comparing your partner unfavourably to others opens up your mind to the possibility of there being something better ‘out there’. Unfortunately the grass is often considered greener on the other side, but when you get there you find out it was all a matter of perspective. Comparing what your partner does to the partners of your friends or family is often a highway to discontentment and bitterness. Instead consider everything great about your partner – all the reasons you fell in love with them and not somebody else.
You’re Keeping Secrets
While it isn’t essential you tell your partner everything, purposefully keeping secrets begins a process of emotionally shutting out the other person. Whether these secrets are hurtful or not, closing lines of communication means closing yourself off to your loved one. If you choose to seek counselling you may find this a safer place to discuss secrets or emotionally risky topics with your partner.
You Rely On Others for Support
Everybody should have more people in their life than just their partner. Relying too heavily on one person can be too much, and cause problems in itself. However if you constantly take your problems to someone else that isn’t your partner, you will feel your emotional bond weakening. If you feel your partner isn’t supportive enough, talk to them about it.